Security or lack of it!

I told myself that this is it. This is my chance to redeem myself. My chance to stand up and collect myself. This is my chance to prove to people that nothing is wrong with me. And yet, all that’s happening is proving to myself that there is really something wrong with me. I cant really work. It will never work for me. I can never really work.

I don’t really see me staying in a company long yet I don’t know what else to do so that I can earn a living. i cant really do things that I wanted to do… like writing or sketching or fashion. It’s a mistake that I took the wrong course in college. It is a mistake to just line up to a certain course because the line is the shortest.

I should have thought of things over before I went to the university 10 years ago to enroll. I should have realized that architecture though instresting is not really for a procatinator like me. I should have realized that my IQ is not for that course that I am too tamad to be in that college.

I guess my professor is right when she treat me badly at school. I think that she never really see architecture in me.

I guess… I am born to be a looser.

I guess that I can never really accomplished anything that I wanted.

I want simple things, like a salary. Sure salary. But even that oine simple thing is unattainable to a degree looser like me.

If I can go back time, I will go back in high school where I am enrolled in this posh catholic school. I left that school because I know that I will never be accepted in there… so I transferred. But I was never accepted in that new school too.

They are so close that they don’t have any space for a newbie like me. Or they’ve accepted me but they can never rewally consider that I am family. School can be cruel. Look what its done to me. It made me a looser. Or can I really blame school. maybe its me.

I am born to be a looser.

6 thoughts on “Security or lack of it!

  1. dolphin0620

    hmm… wanna know something? you’re not a loser!

    you’re not the only person in the world who got the wrong course – Look at me! I got this course, then transferred to another university for another course.. and when I’m about to transfer again, napagalitan na ako, so I just got different majoring for the same course. AND I did not graduate. Will you call me a loser?

    You know, it’s not really you-finish-this-course-you-work-in-this-field… that’s not the case, really. in the end, it’s what you want to work with, and what work will be there for you. d ka naman siguro mapili? i’m sure you’ll be able to find the job you like and will enjoy.. tiyaga lang yan. at dasal =)

    as for procastinating, sometimes it has its good points, you know. there are things that sometimes when you lay them off/delay them for a while will bring you more. but not all the time ofcourse. ganun din ako minsan, tamad tamad.. so i have to tell myself always that ‘it’s now or never’ – depending on situations.

    don’t feel bad about yourself and start bringing yourself down. you know what they say, if you can’t believe in yourself, how do you want others to believe in you! =)

    Reply
  2. cupkeyk

    soy un perdidor

    *sigh
    tawag diyan alienation, sabi ni kaibigang marx. nalalayo ka sa rurok ng iyong kakayahan dahil sa mekanismo ng kapitalismo. mag-aklas.

    tu no estad una perdidora, es la culpa de capitalismo

    Reply
    1. pixiedusk Post author

      Re: soy un perdidor

      hayyyy…

      gracias señor?

      Do you have friendster? I have a testimonial kasi for you.

      If you dont i might post it at LJ laterz coz im a bit busy with some nonsense something thingy…

      Reply
      1. gabrielascrib

        kasi what’s done is done. you made all those choices in the past. we both know that you can’t go back. next best thing is to figure out what you can do to improve things now instead of indulging yourself in ‘what-ifs’. we must all live with the consequences of our actions. knowing that now, make the most of the talents that you have, find a way to enjoy your work, take the initiative and always think. don’t do anything impulsively especially after all that you have experienced.

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