Monthly Archives: January 2007

totally!

I should friggin stop reading tragic stories… the negativity..(suicidalivity  even…)is brushing off of me.  I feel like those characters being read… being watch… being sad… not good enough…
wanting to die.

The gloomy weather, the one that i use to love is not helping either. 

All in all i am a suicidal gloom who wants to cry in one corner all night and feel sad about missed love and opportunities and ….

and damn… those pills are teasing me to take them..

take a lot of them.

and life seems to be a chore.. and i hate doing chores….

and all in all .. this is day is a complete EMO!

har har!

boom!

This is not a poem about my father.

 

 

I grew up hearing your voice at night

 

Cussing at people, us, especially your dad

 

You would never stop till its morning

 

You would go to work revived

 

I would go to school sleepy

 

With your words in my head

 

Tears in my eyes

 

And pain in my heart

 

 

 

At first I can’t understand you pain

 

Your hatred to your father

 

Until I felt it for you

 

In my heart I am blaming you too

 

Cussing and hating

 

I realized that maybe this is a cycle

 

And I am part of a chain

 

That I would grow up

 

Like the person that I most hated:

 

YOU

morning thoughts on

Eating.

 

I am not a good cook.  But I like eating.  I especially like eating at new restaurants or finding that hidden diner that offers the most delicious meal.

 

Eating to me is like sex.  Enjoyed with the person who I knew, trusted. Loved even.  Lusted.

 

Imagine my horror every time I’d eat with people I don’t know when I need to share my table with a total and complete stranger.

 

It’s like rape.

 

When I am eating with a blind date: one night stand.

 

When I am eating with group of friends, Orgy.

 

When people treats me to dinner, prostitution.

 

When I am eating soup, foreplay.

 

Dessert, post play?

 

Five course meal, seven: tantric!

 

When I am eating with my family… ooopss lets not go there!

 

I am an employee and I can’t go out to eat alone (errr…masturbate?) everyday else ill be broke.

 

So I have to eat with officemates.

 

At first I would eat at another table alone and they would think that I am an extrovert and loner and I hate the world and that I am an autistic person.  So I would try to eat with them on their table. I would like to think that I am an amiable person so I try hard to overcome this view of eating as an intimate activity and I try (believe me) hard to think of eating as well.. eating….

 

I still don’t share my food.  I am sorry I am not a swinger…

 

I am getting there though… being a normal person.. I will prolly view eating the next time as a way to give nutrients to me body.

 

Only… If I will think of this.. I’d be a vegetarian cuz .. there’s just too much unnutrientious about a lot of food.

 

If I will view food as a fuel/gasoline to give the body power and energy to run and reach one’s goal .. Ill prolly stop eating altogether… gasoline gives off pollution that is bad for the environment.

 

Ugh!

 

 

 

 

 

 

bus scandal

Something happened to me last night.

 

I was just minding my own business when I realized that this ghuy beside me is rubbing his right arm with my left at the bus.

 

So i continues reading thinking its cuz the bus is crowded.

 

But its not and he is still rubbing his arm with mine and i got crazee so i rubbed back and were like that till his rubbing my boobs and… its kinda nice cuz he looks good and he smells good plus the bus is cold and its feel warm when were doing that…

 

Plus im thinking I would never see him again anyways.

 

He took off at my stop.  He rode the jeep that I rode and im thinking this is embarassing cuz..well i just did something naughty with him in the bus. Not that naughty but still… I dont normally do that.. ick!

 

And then I took off at this store to buy some biscuit (for me to eat later while reading my norwegian wood book!)….

 

And then when i proceeded to our street… my street…

 

He is there with my cousin… and they are friends! Fuck!!!!!

 

My cousin, Fido is like half my age ….

 

And they kinda respect me in there…

 

Oh man… i hope this young guy who jsut rubbed my boobs in the bus is gentleman and is not a kiss and tell….

 

arGh!

 

I made a naughty move once in my life and its my younger cousin’s friend!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

On the bright side: at least he is legal already.