Monthly Archives: March 2008

listen to me whine….

I become addicted to facebook.  It’s the nicest thing ever, I mean you can buy people and own them just as long as you got points and you have monsters like vampires, werewolf and a friggin slayer!




So I forgot LJ in a while.


The people you met there can sometimes overwhelm you.  they look guapo  and they are the bomb.


But I don’t have much Filipino friend in facebook.  My friends are all busy with real life working and feeding their families and me well…


Facebook is an escape cuz real world is mean.  I am ugly but in there some [only some mind you guys] appreciates my nose… my eyes & my braces.


Until last night.  There was a guy there, a  fellow Filipino.  I was really really happy to see him.  I drop by his page and message him telling im happy to see fellow Filipino.


And he dropped by mine… using cuss words and telling me I am old and I look like many pacquiao and putang ina raw ako.


And I was shock.


And I cried.


And I can regain my self respect up to this moment.


I believe he iwill graduate from college this summer.


He said that he doesn’t normally say cuss word but when he saw my profile he cant help but blurting cuss words out.


So how can you go back to normal after that.


Some friends told me not to mind him… im trying to but how can you ignore such bluntness.


Words hurt.


And it can also kill.


Cuz when I read that message I feel like I died.


And I cant regain life.


Up until now.


I want to go to him and punch him for making my fantasy a reality.  Reality where people are mean to ugly, old and the different.


He is young yes.  But at 21? Youth is not an excuse for someone to act childly.  To act mean.




I am now leaving my facebook and I don’t know.




I am lost.


I am dead actually.


I need a hug.  Like a real hug.


And I need to stop crying now cuz ive been crying since last night.


I am sorry for being weak but I just don’t … don’t get to be ciursed at.


But I promise that ill be stronger after this.


And I promise to stay out of facebook for awhile… or maybe forever.

facebook anonymous

The reason why i am not that visible in 2 months or so is cuz of work…

i need a lot of money for some credits that i need to pay and the amount is big so i’d grabbed every opportunity for an overtime.  and my supervisor would ask me always cuz i dont say no to work.

so in a month i’d go to work early and leave superlate and would show up the next day still on time ready and willing to take that new deadline.

i got what i want.  was able to pay the bills that i hafta.  but you dont stop paying bills so well you dont stop working hard.

one morning my head hurts like hell…. like someone is pounding it w/ thors axe.  sound of a drop of water is the same as nuke bombing… they have the same effect on me… drum shattering….

and i have to go to work right? right!

went to work in pain…. i’d hold on to the edge of my office table everytime the pain would attack me.

needless to say its painful…

needless to say i need to rest….

needless to say, i did not take a rest cuz one … even though im nearing my anniverssary in the company .. i sitll dont have … i dont even have  1 day of free sick leave…

and i just cant let a day go… cuz its important.. cuz i have credits to pay…

and then the next day i can no longer get up cuz of the pain…


i am abusing myself so this is what i got in return….


staying at home …. gave me time to think and well rest….

im thinking of enrolling in a gym… and going on a vacation. 

and it like theres a fight inside my head… one part is saying .. rest & relax & exercise & travel cuz youll never know.. the next migraine might be your last migraine….

and one part is telling me that i cant enjoy all this cuz i have biils to pay and my family needs the money more than me needing all this luho [vices]

putsa naman o! anhirap maging mahirap!