Monthly Archives: March 2013

Contest = Competition

Been busy in the last few days.

There's this 2 contest (here in the UK they call it competition) thats ending and I am working on my entries so its busy.

look debenhams

Both are Design Competition.  I am not good but I want to try it as.. as I need the prizes.  The look gives you 800bucks of Debenhams money that you can use in their store and the B&Q one give your real money.

its been messy in the house as I am trying to squeeze doing the designs while doing chores or playing/baby sitting my son…
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But i was able to send my entries in both comp just in time, one entry i have to pay more cuz i have to do next day =(

I cant show my entry cuz i dont want to jinx it… I dont even know why I am posting an entry about them when .. when I dont usually even talk about it so as not to kjinx it cuz im superstitious with these things….

dont brag or else you'll get bad karma stuff…

but i kinda need to sort things in my brain….

writing it down will help me sort it out…

why I am doing this things that takes time away from say.. doing the dishes so it wont pile up like theres gazzillion of people eating in this house (theres only 3)….

Mostly the reason is the prize of course… I could use the money.. my laptop is wonky now and I could use a photoshop program… in here you need to buy it 'properly' unlike in Manila.. You can get it few bucks…  So that my next entry wont be presented badly.  In that B&Q thingy, You can get big bucks so … so maybe .. if I will win it.. I can go and finally visit home… =(

Another reason would be … these design it comps helps my brain…

My mind is idle for the longest ime being a mum and my design mind is… is not as sharp…. I would like to think that .. that making myself do design would .. make me … be my old self…

Finally I have to think.. finally my mind is working again.. buzzing.. at night.. I dont have to daydream of being home and be sad.. at night I am thinking of what Designer Julien MacDonald would want for a dress.  What lamp would steal the limelight.. what fabric would go well with pleats and what capiz color would make my animal look amazing.

Just now.. my brain is already buzzing with ideas on what to do for this comp
elle warehouse

I imagine that I am doing a pitch to clients.. if i got lucky they would choose my idea! This comps is the closest thing to me getting a job here.

Sadly, my chances in these contest are low.  Ive won from Look Magazine before and I dont think they would choose me twice.  Or even if I can win again.. my entry is probably not nice enough as I weren't able to draw them well.  In the B&Q contest.. my presentation sucks and I know it and… and knowing how other compers (what they call people who joins comps) do they presentation.. my chances are low =(

Where the: if only i have photoshop comes in … =P

but .. but the fighter in me.. said that.. you have to be in it to win it… maybe.. maybe beyond the ugly drawings that I submitted.. the judges will see the vision that I saw while im doing the design…



Is it selfie or selfies?

Pardon me.. this word is new to me tho I have gazzilions of selfie picturtes before.  Mostly to send to my hubby (then BF) cuz were in a LDR (long distance relationship) =P

My fave place to take a selfie photo is at the changing room to try clothes.  I was so proud of how thin I am then.. that all the clothes that I am trying fits… and the size is xxs… yes its.. narcissism in his highest level.

When I gave birth too its a past time for me .. taking pictures of us again to send to my hubby.  I didnt gain a lot of weight so when i started breastfeeding .. I went back to my small size.. well not in the tummy area but i would like to admit that my body is okay.

When I arrived here… in the UK.. it stopped.  Probably cuz I am with my hubby now and all I am sending home are videos and pictures of my son…

I also slowly gained weight here.  I would like to blame the weather, the contraceptive pills, the shop below (everytime i skip rope they would tell me off cuz its noisy to them) and all the other billions things other than myself =P  In my defense .. its really hard to move around in a freezing weather.  It  takes time for me to thaw.  The weight… made me.. ashamed of myself.  I seldom go out now… I only go out when needed… like supermarket shopping or my sons playgroup.

Before I lived in skinny jeans and those body skimming tops.. now I wear hubby's jogging pants and I am hiding fats in big sweatshirts.  I also got the inferiority complex from the fact that.. I mostly have all the skin and hair and scalp problems…

I dont have the means to tackle these problems…

this morning tho its different..

Not only did I took a picture of me >> SELFIE


I even posted it in my Twitter and FB account!

I dont know why.. I dont know.. but maybe its cuz its spring now and dready winter is over…. maybe i feel that these are working whatever the reason I am glad to have posted this as I know my family in Manila is missing me and they want to see me..

Well family here I am with longish hair now and still wearing glasses and eye bags….

I wish that whatever made me courageous  enough to have posted this will stay inside me… I hope that.. that ill have my confidence back and Ill be active again and ill lose weight and ill have nice skin again… and ill have work and ill earn money and I can go home =P

can i just say: WELCOME BACK SELFIE!!!!

Standing Up to Dry Skin!

My dry skin is totally eating me… I decided that tho its embarrassing for me to ask my husband for him to buy me moisturizer I ask him to…

Its one thing that you have dry skin but everytime I got out I look at the pavement and dont want to look at people anymore.. I am embarrass of my droopy eyes and scaly skin….

I cant just let this dry skin go and … damage me.. I reckon the earlier I tackle it.. the better my chance of getting my skin back… or at least not look scaly.. im ok with dry skin but not lizardy…

We bought this
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It said intensive re-nourish… So ill try it…

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plus i got this!

Im so excited for tomorrow ill try all the stuff! Watch out dry skin!!!!


She is super pretty when we are young. Fair skin and red cheeks and her whole family is pretty and people adore them.
At some point I wished I am her because of what shes got.  And I think a lot of other girls envy her/them too.

We stayed friends from elementary to early in high school. I moved on… she moved on.  She is active at the local church and I hid inside my house cuz in addition to my ugliness.. I got fat and.. well…. I breezed through puberty inside my room.

I would only see her in my jeep rides … and in those short rides that we update ourselves with what had happened and whats going on with our life.

I was even surprise to find out that she married a relative of mine.  And shes got pregnant.  Shes still the same girl.  Cheery while  telling me stories of her life.  Theres a tinge of envy when I found out that she is happily married and is going to be a mum.  I have this … this feeling that I will never ever ever be a wife or a mother … because I am still as ugly.

I dread our next meeting as its in a funeral … miscarriage.  I looked at her little baby.  I saw how pretty she is.  Fair.  Like snow white in her casket.  I felt sadness.  I dont need to be a mother (I think) to have the instinct.  Its sad to lose a baby.

On our next shared jeepney ride… she gleefully told me that shes preggy again. I heard that she gave birth to a healthy baby.

I never expected my life turn of events….

I got a boyfriend… got married and got pregnant.

I never got to see her in my jeepney rides again but from relatives … i heard that shes… working ok.  I heard some other news but…. but Im too busy worrying about my pregnancy that… that i didnt get the chance to … see her and catch up on things.

Now I am here..  I only got to see a post in FB.. shes on abed… happy.  I thought that she gave birth again and I said congratulations and get well soon.

Only to find out that shes.. her feet for cut off cuz of a virus…

Its so surreal…. can i confess that Ive been worrying a lot lately cuz my legs are getting big and … I feel so bad about it that I am again hiding from the world (in addition to my awfully bad skin) …. im also bawling over the fact that I am poor…. yada yada yada… its just really me… the greatest complainer in the world.

now hearing the news about her and her legs I felt really really guilty of being…. superficial ….worrying about how big my legs are when a friend lost her feet… =(

When… things like this happens to someone you know its weird….. being amputated is something that I thought would only happen in movies…. but it happened to someone I know and I feel…

sad…. I even questioned God.. why her when shes.. shes not a bad person…

But one thing that I know about her .. is that she is strong.  Physically and mentally and that her family is supportive of her.  This is tragic but this is something that she is going to overcome…. I still envy how strong she is and her perseverance… If I have it I will not be .. miserable to where I am …. now,,,,

But shes an inspiration… I will try to emulate her strength…. I am praying for her… I dont pray a lot… I will this time…

Ruby… I dont know if you can read this… if you do…

I miss you.. get well soon

Ill still write some more soon about this but for now ill just try to.. digest things… if my reaction in this event is this.. i wonder what shes thinking now… *sigh*


This is me before in Manila..sweaty I have to admit…. shiny… i hate how my skin is oily… i just pump out oil that I can fried eggs to.. =P

and I am also thin cuz I walk a lot of go out a lot cuz its just so hot to stay inside your house.   Walking from mall to mall to have free aircon burns a lot of calories.  Oh and I also have my teeth cleaned like every 3 months as … its cheap to have your teeth in Manila.  Plus I can get Pyodontyl to protect my gums…

Now here I am …
Scaly, dry… itchy… eyes bulging from dryness, i didnt know your eyes swell when its dry… like mine now….. this photo doesnt even show you the actual skin condition… i just chose this cuz its presentable… even my ears are dry and swollen from dryness… the area around my lips are peeling… and my lips … peeling as well…. it hurts ..

I am deteriorating here hehe… i havent had my teeth cleaned in 2 years cuz we cant afford it… I cant… i… Im just telling you people in Manila .. that out weather… is nice for skin.. at least my skin… i miss sweating… i miss my oily shiny skin….

cold weather is… makes my skin…like this….

i thought before that … cold weather makes you younger.. i thought wrong =P

to be fair in Manila I also apply Olay moisturizer, and cetaphil and loreal and I use this toner that makes my skin clear..I just cant buy one now cuz im broke =P it sucks to be broke…. in Manila if I am broke… i steal my sisters moisturizer =P sorry for me … my sister is not here…

I … am … deteriorating =(