Monthly Archives: April 2013


I already enrolled my son to a nursery school and he will start this September.  Hubby said that it is imperative that we potty train him as it is embarrassing for him to not be trained by then.  He is almost 3.

And he will be 3 by then.  Yes he should be potty trained already.

This is where I will admit that I dont know how to do it.  This is where I will admit again (for the nth time) that I am the worst mother on earth.

Why did I ever let myself be pregnant you ask?  Well I have a mother who is the best mother in the world and shes been taking care of neighbors, cousins and relatives for the longest time and they grow up to be an okay person.  I thought that I will have time to stay in Manila and learn from her… or yes … letting her do all the mothering while I look from a distance.

Maybe .. cuz of this wicked plan.. God punished me and he made us went here in the UK earlier than I want to…

Now I am here forced to be a mother of my own… its hard ….

I was able to do breastfeeding which I am most proud of and weaning without glitch. Oh and I wasable to stop him from eating his nails .. were still controlling it but he listens now.. and we'll get there.. one day he will totally stop chewing on his yummy nails.

And I am guilty of my son sleeping in with us and well he is almost 3 and is still not potty trained…

The co sleeping can I just justify that we tried to make him sleep in his own room only to realize that it too cold there and we cant afford to heat 2 rooms in cold weather .. even when my husband is working 2 jobs already.

And with the potty training… I dont know how to make.. I just dont know how to start it.. in Manila I just let him walk around nad wet himself till he learn to use the potty (at least thats my plan then) but I cant do that here cuz .. its cold.

Not that summer is arriving … my excuse of cold weather is.. well no longer valid… i Do really really need to potty train him.

Hubby is starting it… buying all the stuff needed.. pull down nappy, potty and those toilet seat contraptions… but how will I start?????


I dont know how!!!!

I feel really really bad about not being able to .. start it sooner and .. i feel that i am way too late in training him…

This worry me a lot and I am lost .. deep inside of me I wish that God will understand me on why I want to be with my mother while I am learning to be a mother.

… I wish my mother is here now not to potty train my son but as MY mother to tell me things will be okay.

Cuz everytime she says it will be okay it… turns out okay.

Cuz I feel that .. things are not okay =(07232010(013)



I want to put this image into a canvass bag thingy.. i dont know how… i dont know how to handle fabric paint nor do I have the resources to buy them paint… i guess i need to like print it on those iron on transfer sticker …

I'll try … i wonder if i can sell it =P

maybe i should do like silk screen printing?

see the erasure in the middle… it looks like a V .. so i made changes =P

and my sister said i should watermark my drawings… not that people are reading this or would get this picture but it kinda looks cool when it bears my name =P or the company that i dream of having =P

Sunny Sunday

I have great hopes with the weather today … weatherman said its going to be sunny and hot and… where I am its gloomy and cold…

i thought that I can finally dry clothes in the sun and can finally walk in the beach without wanting to run away due to the cold & strong wind…

its still early.. hopefully… in a few hours that promise will come through … =(


Out of my league =(

I was busy doing some entries in this contest

elle warehouse

here are some of my rejected works [they said no published works so i cant show my entries but they are not exemplery =(]

photo (13)
photo (12)

the judges are like .. royalties … their.. my work is not a work of a budding artist but a hobbyist … who is just starting… so i dont know.. im contemplating on giving this contest a pass


death by laxative

Dont you ever feel that your thighs are so big they can be a runway to boing planes =( I do…. My thighs are so big that all of my old pants have holes in the thight area.

I want to lose weight but I cant cuz its too cold to run outside and … theres so much work and… well you know I have gazillions of excuses…

I ate too much last night… my choice of food… bread…. i ate a lot of it and i felt that that batch of bread that I ate will ho straight to my thigh…

I saw this laxative mostly sienna base so i "thought" it'll be safe.. i did took 6 pills but its really one of those that are too light …

That was about 6-7ish pm….

I woke up 4am with a pain in my tummy…. it hurts like crazy and i feel i need to go .. so i did… i sat there in pain… while im doing my business… I cant move my hand.. i tried hard not to make it stuck… i tried moving it though it is painful.. i standing up to see if the pain will lessen but its still too much… And I saw my colorless face in the mirror…

I.. i just tried everything that I can to make my hand move… this must be how when youre having stroke feels… or maybe more painful.. im scared… and im mumbling words in pain …

thankfully hubby and my son is asleep..

after so long in the toilet i went back to our room and i went back again cuz the pain is still too much…

after an hour the hands went back to normal… i can move it again though its still stiff.. better than .. than it frozen…

i then just sat there.. blaming myself… for.. for taking too much…

i looked at my big thighs and I started crying …

there is no shortcut to make you go away aint it…. i must be hallucinating cuz im talking to my thigh… like its another person in the toilet…

i sat there…

feeling sorry

I WOULD NEVER EVER EVER take more than whats in the pack…

I dont want to die cuz of laxative!


I am feeling ok now…

lessons learned.. hopefully i wont try anything as drastic to get rid of my … big .. thigh =(


i have to pay some insurance bills at home and im jobless and i cant ask my husband cuz hes already like paying for all our bills in the house and we our electricity bill is just so.. MASSIVE!

im planning on selling a bag but who will buy it..

im planning on selling my soul but i might not have one =P

all in all….

im screwed.