death by laxative

Dont you ever feel that your thighs are so big they can be a runway to boing planes =( I do…. My thighs are so big that all of my old pants have holes in the thight area.

I want to lose weight but I cant cuz its too cold to run outside and … theres so much work and… well you know I have gazillions of excuses…

I ate too much last night… my choice of food… bread…. i ate a lot of it and i felt that that batch of bread that I ate will ho straight to my thigh…

I saw this laxative mostly sienna base so i "thought" it'll be safe.. i did took 6 pills but its really one of those that are too light …

That was about 6-7ish pm….

I woke up 4am with a pain in my tummy…. it hurts like crazy and i feel i need to go .. so i did… i sat there in pain… while im doing my business… I cant move my hand.. i tried hard not to make it stuck… i tried moving it though it is painful.. i standing up to see if the pain will lessen but its still too much… And I saw my colorless face in the mirror…

I.. i just tried everything that I can to make my hand move… this must be how when youre having stroke feels… or maybe more painful.. im scared… and im mumbling words in pain …

thankfully hubby and my son is asleep..

after so long in the toilet i went back to our room and i went back again cuz the pain is still too much…

after an hour the hands went back to normal… i can move it again though its still stiff.. better than .. than it frozen…

i then just sat there.. blaming myself… for.. for taking too much…

i looked at my big thighs and I started crying …

there is no shortcut to make you go away aint it…. i must be hallucinating cuz im talking to my thigh… like its another person in the toilet…

i sat there…

feeling sorry

I WOULD NEVER EVER EVER take more than whats in the pack…

I dont want to die cuz of laxative!

Embarassing!

I am feeling ok now…

lessons learned.. hopefully i wont try anything as drastic to get rid of my … big .. thigh =(

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