Monthly Archives: September 2013

Breastfeeding aftermath

Breastfeeding is like the most awesome thing ever.

When I gave birth … I vowed that I breastfeed him as much as I can, as long as I can.  I did.  At first it hurts like hell.  Considering that I gave birth.. I thought that I am ready even numb from any other pain.. then came this smallish baby sucking from my breast.  It hurt so much that I bleed and it creeps and freaks me out.  The nurses, neighbors and my mother seems to be non chalant about the blood.   I also have a problem with my right breast.  It turned out that I have an extra skin in there (TMI, I know =P). I cant use it cuz im scared he's going to get to eat that muscle,skin and son will choke.  WHen he turned one, my baby, that skin fell ff and its too late.  He doesnt kow how to suck on that side anymore.

So yes.. we tolled breastfeeding together with one breast and we got by just fine.

It also helped me with the weight.

For 2 years my weight remained the same no matter how much I ate.  I am after all sharing it with  a guy whose always hungry.

Everytime I have flu I am not worried that hell get it cuz I know my milk is protecting him and when he got sick I know the milk is going to heal him.

I know I am putting to much faith on my milk but my milk always delivers.

2 years is a breeze.  I was skyping my mother and she is just WHAT YOUR STILL BREASTFEEDING HIM??????????????? When are you going to wean him???? When hes like 20? Ok she didn't say that last sentence but in my head she did =P

I panicked and like for a week I was able to wean him.. I was even amaze on how easy it is.

And then so many problems started to pop…

I slowly gained weight cuz even when i stopped breastfeeding him.. I am still eating for 2.  Needless to say selfies taken photo stopped as I no longer fit those picture squares.

Breast went from a cup c to a non existent size.  I am a flat chested fat girl =(   I have a hello kitty bralette!

When I get sick.. he gets it and when he gets sick I feel powerless.

Is it wrong to say that I miss breastfeeding?

Dreaming of a BIG NIGHT IN!

I was going to write about something grand actually but I forgot about it just like that.  Its not mommy brain.. its just really Leng brain =P

Something to do with me not doing anything that would stimulate my brain lately.  My future flashed before me when I was inputting my son's school schedule … who said you cant predict th future cuz I can predict mine: weekdays walking my son to and from school and weekends doing chores that I cant do cuz im walking my son to school.

School run is how I roll now.

On the bright side, ive been killing myself to lose weight doing Jillian Michaels deadly exercises when walking my son to school is the real reason why I can wear my pants again. Which is good since I can't really afford a new pair or anything.

Money is really tight… I saw my husbands bank statements and were living in OD, thats over draft to you who never had it in their accounts! Hes been working 2 jobs and some volunteer works that we haven't really seen much of him this week that this morning I have to literally pin down my son so that he can go to work.  Son misses his dad so much.  Last night he was looking at the  empty space on bed and saying daddy is sleeping on his pillow on his side of the bed. His young 3 years old mind is probably coping by imagining daddy is lying there with us. My heart bled but what choice d we have? =(

Going back to money, I really dont know how to  do winter without much of it to pay for our electricity.  Its in between summer and autumn and my bum is going crazy with the cold weather already =( … I wonder how my bum will react when winter is really here already *massaging bum to give it comfort*

I am doing that attachment parenting as an excuse. when the actual reason why we sleep with my son is that it saves on electricity.  We cant just really heat 2 rooms and were renting a house that's not double glaze.  heating our nest is a nightmare.

Sometimes I just sit and dream of things that I can't have to escape from all this worries.  I saw this competition on about how would you spend £750 pounds!!!

Wow thats a lot of cash!!!! You have to spend it for a BIG NIGHT IN! A gimmick inside your house!

Thats going to be like heaven! I hope that the exclamation point is showing my excitement.  That's probably going to have my husband not need to work for a week!

For a night in i'm choosing our simple room.  I am going to pimp-my-room!  I'll start with a nice heater to make the room cozy! A dyson heater will probably eat half of the budget but its worth it!  So I only have £350 more.  I'd of course buy a new duvet with all the beddings needed.  Ill give about £50 for that. Gosh! I only have £300 more ..

Ill get TV! I already have the DVD player and DVD's that I want to watch so im ok.  Since I still have like 20 that would go to popcorn and cookies and drinks and oreos and junk foods! Its a movie night in for us obvs! All of us (and our bums) warm and fuzzy and cozy and enjoying movies, to some to simple of a night in, to me  = heaven!

JUst thinking about it, dreaming already feels good. A great escape actually.  I suddenly understand my son imagining daddy being there.. cuz it helps you cope.. cuz imagining is free.

Toddler Issues

I have to admit that I didnt know until i notice that I haven't clipped his nails for awhile.  Finding the nail cutter cobwebby made me look at his nails and It made me munched to dangerous shortness.

My son is a nail biter.

It is nothing I said I can probably make him stop soon. I traced it started when i weaned him.  He would do it while watching TV I notice and when he is chilling.  About the same time when we use to bond while im breastfeeding him.

Theres a bit of a drama (mostly on his part) everytime I will tell him off about not putting his hands inside his mouth.  Then I became very very specific about not biting nails when after weeks of trying to stop him eat his nails.

Later on the drama involves the both of us hm crying & me getting really really frustrated to the point that I cry too.  Where did I go wrong dialogue in my head.

It should have been non stressful but everytime I skype with my mother noticing it and making it sound like its a mortal sin adds pressure on me to stop it soon! ASAP!

But he just wont budge.  One time he notice that my nals ar egrowing and i said ill clip it and he would munch on my nails!!!! I nervously took my hands away from my son and his white baby teeth.


This is .S.E.R.I.O.U.S.

But i really dont knowwhat to do but to stop him and remind him that its bad to eat your fingernails.

i just went on reminding him and then…

few days ago… i notice that HES GOT NORMAL NAILS!!!
bean nails

Yehey! They are a bit longer today before I trimmed it and Im so gladthat he got over his nail biting this early! Now were off to potty training =P

First day of Pre-school

Dear Sebastian,

This is the first time that ill write a post for you to read. Or maybe i did already but mom's brain is just too shabby.

You my little boy Little started school last Tuesday, Sept 3ish me thinks.

And you were good and I left you and you're super happy that I asked myself am I a bad mom and he is so happy to get rid of me???? Its chaotic these nurseries.  Kids running like crazy and this is my excuse for not taking any pictures of you on this milestonic day.  A thing that i'll probably dread my whole life.

I picked you up and give you food and twas like nothing epic happened to you.

The next day was ok too.  You said you are walking and I made a mental note that what it really means is that Ill carry you all the way and you will just walk to pick some fowers on the pavement.  Massive mistake on my part.. on my arm part.

and then.. you bawled your eyes out nd you dont want me to leave you.  Is it okay to admit that I felt relieved.  Whew! That was close.  Mommy intuition kicked in.. he didnt had a nice day? Was he bullied by the other 3 years old? Is he sick? What? What? What?????

When I arrived home just so you know I have gazzilion stuff to do like wash the dishes, shoo the bird on the terrace, clean their poo, shoo them some more and stuff.  I werent able to do them cuz I am thinking of you worried.

I dont know what to do ben.

Its .. your not the only one who is having a separation anxiety and its worse cuz I am not allowed to bawlover to express it.

I set off early to fetch you buying kinder egg surprise to give as a reward to you.  I promised to lessen your chocolate intake but this are those moments that needs some chocolates.

You look normal when you went out… holding a box of smarties.  I felt bad cuz someone  beats me into giving you a rewards. Oh well.

Another day for us.

Daddy bought you a big pack of MnM's and i didn't give you a lot cuz of my promise (not to give you much chocolates).

Day 3.  You woke up really really really late.  Just 2 hours (Less actually) before we needs to go and your super duper sluggish.

I gave you all fruits as its the only easy food to eat when were hurrying up and you kept on sayng No Mommy No School!

Gosh I wonder when I started saying that cuzits too early to be hearing from you.

You are still cooperative.  Climbing that red creaky pram (my arm part has learned their lesson) and while were on our way you kept on saying … No school mommy. Or was it mummy?

I felt bad again cuzI know how one feels when they are being forse to go to school.

But you are 3ish.

You are not yet doing calculus so I would like to think that this is separation anxiety still.

I have to lure you in.  You dont want to go in.  Part of me is again proud that you are standing your ground but baby .. this is life.  And I am no just saying it to you but me as well.  We have to do this.

If I an only just make you stay home forever I will but you hve to learn how to share, you have to learn how to say blue in polish, you have to learn how to tidy up better and you have to learn that from now on you are really going to do these things that you dont want cuz…. you have too.

I miss you already and its still like an hour till your release and im already excited to walk back to get you.

We'll get over this together.

One day you will go there and non chalantly go & Ill worry again if its me being a bad mom/mum.

if its helps…. tomorrow is FRIDAY!!!!! YEy!