Monthly Archives: November 2013


I was walking leisurely from Tesco to our house when I saw an envelope with my name on it.  It could be for any Samantha but I chose to own that envelope because well I want to.

I looked around to see if anyone can see me.  The cold chilly weather made the streets deserted. Its only five o clock but it looks seven or even eight or nine.
I was wishing for some cash in the envelope but all that's in there is a letter.
I sat on the bench of the bus stop and read it.  I still have time to cook before you arrive home.
It said:
I am leaving your for another girl.  It is not your fault but mine.  I let myself fall for her.  I let myself fall even when I am married with you.
She is a lot like you I guess.  Quirky and funny.   Its the time we spent together at work.  Sharing the pressure and stress with her.  Spending more time with her than you.
I dont want to hurt but I have to do this.  It is better to say this this early than later when everything is too late.
I love you but I love her more.
Your husband,
I looked at the bus that's arriving.  The lights from it is so bright.  I put the letter in my pocket.  Sighed and then I saw you running from your seat to the door like you are in a hurry to run to me. You saw me and your face lights up.
You look so in-love with me.
Your smile widens and you hugged me.
'You waited for me' you asked.  Yes. I managed to answer back.
We've only been married 3 years.  But we are together since college.  No babies.  You said we are not financially ready.  I believe you cause money is your course,profession and I am only an artist.
You always said money is too much to work with, too stressful and you envy how relax I am with my paintings.
You always talk about this girl who always save your butt.  What is her name? Ana? Yes Ana.
You took my hand and held it tight.  Kissed me in my forehead.

You used to kiss me on my lips, Simon.

Prose for Thought

Winter Babe

As i write this areolas are itchy and red (TMI Sorry) and I have so many eczema patches all over my body.  Its the sign for me that winter is coming and Autumn is saying/said goodbye. And I am officially MISERABLE.

I have this hate in me when Winter is here.  A blanket of sadness and depression covers me.  The lack of warmth and sunshine is getting on me.

Im am so tired of being at war with this weather, been here for 3 years.  I will probably stay some more.  If that's the case I should be thinking how can I turn things around.  How can I be happy in winter? How can I be my own Little Miss Sunshine when the weather is not? How can I make my school runs more bearable. How I can be at peace with myself and with Jack Frost!


Ill start with going to the doctor to ask what to do with the eczema.  Hopefully the doctor is a girl so that the areola wont be shy. And the misery will be gone with some ointment.

Then I will find things that's nice in winter! If I can.  Ill start now.  Winter is nice bcuz of Christmas! True I wont get any gifts but who can stop Christmas???  I can play my fave cheesy xmas song non stop (Last Xmas mwahaha) and bug the neighbors with it (Fun right?!)

I'll take pictures of the trees who are feeling colder than me cuz they cant find blankets that will fit them! Ha Bless the trees!


If I feel cold Ill hold my son's hand and walk with him cuz hes got the warmest hand ever.  Kids they have their own boiler inside their bodies!

And if anything else fails, Ill get free hugs from my family.  That would work for now and I have the whole winter season to think it over.

Bring it on =)


**Pictures taken all over Bristol City

Too Young, Too Soon

I left the Phlippines before any of this happened.

A first cousins daughter got pregnant at 14.  I gasped at this and yet this is normal in our area.  Still a child getting pregnant.  Some of my aunts got married & pregnant at 14,15,16.  I am (and my sister) is considered TOO old to get married and to get pregnant after all.

She left school when she got pregnant.

She gave birth, this child. A baby with a baby.  The  husband is as young as her.  Apparently, the girl would always go out with friends and leave the baby to the husband.

After all the mother is young and this is the age where you go out with friends. Discover things.  Enjoy life.

When I gave birth at 35, my husband was here in the UK.  EVerytime the baby cry and I am alone I cry too.  The only thing that keeps me sane are the people who visit me and small cousins who cheer me up.  I am 35.  Supposedly mature and this is all too hard, parenthood.

Now I can only imagine how it is to be 15, a young father and a baby crying nonstop.  And your partner is out and you can picture things in your head on whats shes up to.

The young father hanged himself. Suicide.

I don't personally know him and yet I am hurting.

I can not and wont and I don't have the right to blame my cousins daughter.  She is a child.

This event is tragic.

And the saddest part is that there is a baby involve.

There are probably happy relationships that started early.  Couple started at 15 whose relationship withstand the test of time.   But I haven't seen or heard of one, yet.

There are so many issues that are involve in this tragedy.  Contraception, Sex Education (which is taboo in my country), Abortion rights (another topic that no one wants to talk about) and Post natal depression (mother and father side) support.  None of these issues are a priority in my country.  We just suffered from #Haiyan and so many problems are being tackled. Sadly none of them are these.  But when will they tackle these mentioned issues?  Because they are there since I was a kid.  Before me.  Hopefully they will give time and politician will touch this soon. Because it is needed.

For now condolence to the family of that boy.  I don't know you but I am praying for peace for you and your family.  I lost a lot of people in the past and it is painful. It is a place that I dont want to experience because I dont know if I can handle it.



Non Winner

Been joining a lot of competition hoping, praying I will win but haha! im not winning anything.  I wonder whats the winning formula? What are they looking for?

What am I doing wrong? I am giving my heart in my every post and well I guess my story is not the best =(

with that I resolve to give up on it for now and concentrate on just blogging about my mundane life =P

uber & out