Word of the Week – Unpretty

I think I already said a lot of times that people around me in Manila made sure I know the truth. I am ugly and fat. I would get teased by relatives calling me dark and flat nosed girl. But the most memorable name calling is from someone in college. A classmate friend went to meet a friend who likes her and I went with her. That guy pushed me literally and whispered to me it would have been better if I am not there, Ugly. He said mad of my presence while my friend is paying for items she purchased (we met him in a Hello Kitty Store). I guess he's got the right to say it being a member of a band and being exposed to girls (groupies) that are pretty and he knows what he is saying. Yes I know I am ugly.

My friend doesn't know this of course. Never told anyone.

No one knew (until now).

Since then I distanced myself to them. Making excuses on not going on trips where I will be the 3rd of 5th wheel. My girlfriend thought that I am just this girl who always cancel the last minute. Scared of being told of again and feeling ugly and I don't want to really be with people. If its up to me ill hide my face and my fat bum in a cave and never go out again.

I changed of course. Only when I lost some weight that I came back into being sociable with people. I not only went out again but I also am not scared of my picture being taken.

My confidence went okay when I lost weight and when I can wear those skinny jeans.

I am gauging my self worth on how much I weigh.

Now I am … feeling fat again. And I am hidiing myself at home again. Wearing baggy clothes, puffy coats. Anything to hide my bulging thighs.  And I am not looking at people's eyes. I dont want to see the disgust in their faces. The same disgust that I saw from that guy who pushed me.  And I need to get our of this rut. I gained weight because I have been eating non-stop from depression. I am feeling sad because so many things in my life at the moment that i can't control and I am .. i hate it.

Unpretty

Hopefully this is just a phase. I am doing everything in my power not to feel unpretty again.  I am at night looking at my son's face & am amaze on how he looks good in spite of the fact that I am his mother.  And also try to hold on to the fact that no matter what i look my son loves me, kisses my face and sleeps with his cheek on mine. No matter how I look or feel, I am my son's Mum and he will not stop loving me even if I am not fitting my pants.

I will try to hold on to that and maybe tomorrow I will not feel unpretty anymore.

xx

The Reading Residence
Binky Linky

8 thoughts on “Word of the Week – Unpretty

  1. Anonymous

    How awful of that person to say that. You are not ugly at all. Beauty is not all about your looks, its also what’s inside and that is far more important. As you say yourself your son will love you no matter what, you will always be his mum and that is far more beautiful than anything else.

    Reply
  2. Anonymous

    It doesn’t matter what anyone thinks. People would not love you if you weren’t worthy and beautiful (inside and outside). I’m sure your son thinks you are the most beautiful mum in the world, and that is all that matters.

    Reply
  3. Anonymous

    To me you are the most Beautiful woman in the world

    To me you are a beautiful marvel that I give thanks to god every day for having in my life. You are not ugly your physical appearance to me is far from ugly. Looking at you makes my heart race in my chest with love and passion. I look at you, really look at you and I see a great woman it is my honour to know, a sexy wife who makes me more happy inside then mere words can describe, a great mother, a loving daughter and sister and I feel humbled by your loving nature. Anyone who can’t see that I pity for they are truely blind.

    With love your forevermore Tigger x

    Reply
  4. Anonymous

    You are far from ugly, as your beauty shines through in every single post of yours that I read. And you son and family clearly know that, and they are the opinions that count, not some bullying stranger. Thanks for sharing such an honest and open post with #WotW x

    Reply
  5. Anonymous

    WotW

    I hope for you this is just a short phase and that you can see your true beauty again soon. We all have times when we are tough on ourselves and feel fat, ugly, unworthy. Sometimes we just need the reassurance and support of others. I hope you find that through sharing and not the negative and hurtful comments of the past.

    Mummy Morkus #WotW x

    Reply
  6. Anonymous

    Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. And what is ugly to one man, may be beautiful to another. Do not let one ugly person take away your beauty. Beauty is more than skin deep and having the nastiness to bully someone like that shows his ugliness up for all to see. Tske care, and be stronger than him.

    Reply

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