Yesterday was awfully hard for me. I don't know how to make it through the day. I am struggling to move. Being normal, being a mother is challenging. Its a good thing that my son attended a birthday party. He wont see me wallow. I have been very very down lately. Old emotions coming back out where I buried them. We head out when he came back from the party. I remember crying in our car journey with a fellow passenger totally ignoring me. My son is asleep. Good. He will not see me cry. I am always hiding this emotions to him as I always do. I don't want him to worry about me. He is just 4 years old after all.
Or so I thought.
All through the day my 4 year old son is asking if I am happy? He usually ask this when I am sad or looks sad or mad. He would say 'Mummy are you happy with me?' He probably did ask me that more than 10x yesterday. So he feels what I am feeling. I can't hide these sadness to him now or maybe I should try harder to hide it. My son is really maturing, growing up so fast. I am so proud of him being this sensitive like I had said so many times before.
And to balance all the sadness that I felt I am so happy that when we sat to eat dinner in a restaurant, he ate by himself with gusto! The whole meatball! In one go. I have been starting to make him eat by himself and its a bit of a struggle for us. But yesterday he didn't cause any worry and he is just such an angel!