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Gestational Diabetes

GD.

For the longest time in my pregnancy I was fighting this diabetes. Eating healthy is the way to go and exercising while pregnant is how I manage to keep my sugar level at bay. Every after meal I religiously test myself. Sometimes when I eat something sweet I would really really really feel guilty and would just drink water to try to make the sugar level balance.

It got to a point that even if I am not eating something with sugar that my level is still high that my OB resorted me taking, injecting insulin. No matter how thin and small that needle is its still hurt to have to inject myself every night.

Somehow I am so relieved that i gave birth a month early. This will save my son from being affected by the diabetes.

The effect of this GD is not limited to me. Because I have this my son has a chance of getting diabetes. The good part is that we can already make him eat healthy this early to prevent this from affecting him.

My one way of preventing him from having sugar is me breastfeeding him. Which is what I did till I can. I have been breastfeeding him till he is 2.

We have a no-sweets/chocolate rule in the house too. None of us drinks cola or squash. All water and milk.Eventually I gave in to juice because I found out that my son poo better when he drinks this. But I dilute it with water.

Somewhere between him being 2 and how he is going to be 4 I let it go. He is now eating crisp, chocolates and a lot of sweets. And the cavity in his teeth is the proof of this. The cavity will be sorted out tomorrow as we have a dentist schedule. Hopefully the dentist will be keen on checking him as the last one gave up when my son wont open his mouth. No effort to lure him to open his mouth at all. He just gave up. I would of course request a new dentist.

And I have to go back into being a strict mother when it comes to food. My husband being a grazer is not helping with this. He eat snacks like cray in between meals and my son (& me) is starting to be one too. There is just to much junk in our pantry. I am not blaming him for this of course. I am taking full responsibility. When my son turned 3 he became a fuzzy eater. He would not eat at all and this kills me as a mother of course. Where is he getting the sustenance so I would give him sweets and crisp to give his body wee bit nutrients. Not healthy but food nonetheless.

This fuzzy eating also made me spoon feed him. Till now that he is nearing 4. One of the skeleton in my mothering closet.

This is not all about him too. I have gained 5K since I stopped breastfeeding him. Pants that I can use before is donated to the charity shops and I am now wearing buggy jeans just so I can hide my massive legs that broke every old jeans that I have. I of course can really diet if I want too. I remember testing this product and I lost some weight. But it is pricey so I cant maintain such diet. After testing the product I went back to my old weight. Probably heavier.

My choice of poison are those M&Ms and oreos that are usually on sale at supermarket. But what really kills me is Nutella. I can eat those big jars in one sitting. If can build something out of the jars of Nutella that I consumed I can probably already build a mansion.

Its like I have an amnesia! That I forgotten about my Gestational Diabetes! What ever happened to my brain?????? But I am depressed too and I am missing home and I am alone in mothering.

I will try to forgive myself for that. What can I ever do but to forgive myself. Because how can I start with what I want to do if I will stay blaming myself.

Why did I remember? I read this blog.

Then it hit me that I have this and I should be doing something about it! So starting today I am cleaning up my act. I am starting with me and then I would need to be an example to my son so that he would follow and eat healhty too. I would of course ask my husband to eat healthy as well. I would probbaly get him to snack on fruits and veggies instead.

This is so hard. Just 2 hours ago while we were out I saw so many sweet stuff on sale at the high street. So cheap!

But I am happy to say that I was able to not buy & eat them. I also am clean today from any sweets and we ate eggs and I just ate white.

I am going to take this by the day. Day starting now.

xx

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Eating.

 

I am not a good cook.  But I like eating.  I especially like eating at new restaurants or finding that hidden diner that offers the most delicious meal.

 

Eating to me is like sex.  Enjoyed with the person who I knew, trusted. Loved even.  Lusted.

 

Imagine my horror every time I’d eat with people I don’t know when I need to share my table with a total and complete stranger.

 

It’s like rape.

 

When I am eating with a blind date: one night stand.

 

When I am eating with group of friends, Orgy.

 

When people treats me to dinner, prostitution.

 

When I am eating soup, foreplay.

 

Dessert, post play?

 

Five course meal, seven: tantric!

 

When I am eating with my family… ooopss lets not go there!

 

I am an employee and I can’t go out to eat alone (errr…masturbate?) everyday else ill be broke.

 

So I have to eat with officemates.

 

At first I would eat at another table alone and they would think that I am an extrovert and loner and I hate the world and that I am an autistic person.  So I would try to eat with them on their table. I would like to think that I am an amiable person so I try hard to overcome this view of eating as an intimate activity and I try (believe me) hard to think of eating as well.. eating….

 

I still don’t share my food.  I am sorry I am not a swinger…

 

I am getting there though… being a normal person.. I will prolly view eating the next time as a way to give nutrients to me body.

 

Only… If I will think of this.. I’d be a vegetarian cuz .. there’s just too much unnutrientious about a lot of food.

 

If I will view food as a fuel/gasoline to give the body power and energy to run and reach one’s goal .. Ill prolly stop eating altogether… gasoline gives off pollution that is bad for the environment.

 

Ugh!