Tag Archives: pocolo

Emulate

Children copies adults. My son use to always play with pots and pans before which is I suppose what he sees of me. He also love the Ikea ironing board cuz well I always iron.

Now that hes world is getting bigger and he is attending school, our afternoons after school are mostly spent of me being his student and him being a teacher. He now idolizes his teachers.

There's a bit of jealousy on my side but I know that this is normal.

Him copying his teacher also makes me see what is going on inside his class. From the show and tell to how they are learning. And to whom (classmates) he spent most of his school time with.

I just go along with the play. This is more informative for me on how his day was rather than me asking him how's his day in school and getting the 'i forgot' answer.

In addition to him being a teacher he is also doing other roles. The things that he sees around him inspires his play a lot. More reason for me to bring him out more to expose him to what people do. Which will eventually lead to him learning what he really wants when he is older.

It might be too early for that but in my head I can see so many possibilities on what he'll become and I am so excited of this! I am so excited to see him grow and learn.

I wish that my health wont fail me and I will be given a chance to see him grow up. For now though I will try to enjoy playing with him and being in this [imaginary] world that he created and is sharing with me. I am so honored to be invited in there cuz its a fun place to stay! Boundless world and boundless possibilities.

my word of the week is emulate.

xx

The Reading Residence

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Despicable Me

I think my son (and his Dad) sees me as the villain of his/their life. I mean I am always the one who kills the joy. Like this last Saturday where he is chasing his Dad inside the store and I stopped him from running after his father. KJ (killjoy) I know. Or I when last Monday his Dad brought home a DVD of the How To Train Your Dragon and I have to remind them (every so often) to go up and sleep already as his got school the next day. Or I am always telling him to eat his food, dont run on the sidewalk, change your school clothes before you play your lego and so on and so forth.

What he is not seeing is that that day when he was running inside the store. He almost hit his face on the corner of a display table. If I hadnt stop him the corner would have hit his face and there will be blood. I just grabbed him the right time. THE RIGHT TIME I am telling you otherwise he is going to get hurt. I am so mad and so scared at that time that I told him off after we got out of the store. He doesnt see how much I am scared of him getting hurt. What he saw is me stopping him from having fun from running and me telling him off. Oh Sebastian you almost hit that corner. If you can only see and hear how much my heart almost burst of fear. If you can only.

I am sorry if I have told you off or that if my voice is a bit loud that minute. My heart is still recovering from the fear of your getting hurt and I just dont know how I can forgive myself if you hit that corner.

You will see me as the villain here but theres never a moment when I dont want you to have fun. If I can only give you all your heart desires to play and to run I will. But there are proper places to do these things, proper time.

That incident never left my mind. Am I harsh for telling him off? I should probably waited till I am more relax before talking to him. So many should've in my brain. Last January I ask my husband if I can go home as nothing good is happening to me here. He will let me go home but I can never bring my son. So I stayed. I can never leave my son of course. He is my life and joy. Now I am thinking if my son will be better off without me. Because I am the villain of his life.

But thinking about me being far from him is just heartbreaking. So here I stay with my son as a villain in his life.

Villain is my word of the week.

xx

And then the fun began...

An Autumn School Run

Usually our seafront is gray and brown. When the tide is high the water is brown and when the tide is low its just mud all over. Especially lately when it started raining everyday. Yesterday it was different though. The sun is shining, the wind is cold but soft and the water soft blue. The best color that I have seen our beach since we arrive here 3 years ago.

Sadly since its sunny too me phone cam is not getting the best of the color. But I think that I have gotten a bit of the blueness of sea.

So when I picked my son up from school I told him that we are going to walk in the sand. We usually dont do this as its muddy but today its dry and special as the water is in its bluest color.

So we sat on the benches and we just looked at the sea while my son eat some snacks. And tried basking in the autumn sun while admiring the sea so blue!

I would like to apologized for the blurry photo. I wish I gave this day more justice by getting nicer photo but I werent.

**UPDATE Nov. 20, 2014: And just to show you how its brown on usual days, here is the beach today.

We are feeling it already too. The season will change. Its going to be darker and colder and maybe there will be snow or maybe some more rain.

But we make sure that the gloomy sky wont make our life gray too! We sometimes always bring our own colors!

xx

Thoughts on Motherhood

Everytime I look at myself I always seemed to be trying to recover from things that are hurting me.
For the longest time, while trying to heal from some incident the next one would come wounding me deeper.
Needless to say that I am tired. A wounded soldier.

I can think that I am weak. But looking back on things when my mind would want to give up and just go I dont know bonkers, I would pull myself together. Trying hard to not go there. Trying hard to stay sane. Trying hard to cope.

I am not weak, I just realized that now.

I am so many things but not weak. Because I am still here fighting.

There's just really so much to sort in addition to being a mother.

I kept on saying this helps, that helps, that might help but the only things that is pulling me up from going under is actually probably being a mother.

Amazing how my child is innocently feeding me with determination to fight.

When darkness is embracing me and its easier to embrace back I would hear my son's voice, his laugh, his singing. His voice is enough for me snap out of it and go back.

Which makes me think of my own mother. Who was in a same situation before. A hard relationship with an alcoholic man. Do we (me and my sister) keep her fighting? Keeps her sane when things are so hard.

Do our smile take her back to life when things are almost dead?

Motherhood.

Being a parent is such an overwhelming responsibility.

But it can also be a saving grace.

I am just glad that during the dark days and cold nights I have my son. I am so glad that he is loud, always laughing and expressive because his noise pushes away the demons in my head.

xx

Linking up to:

#BrillBlogPosts
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#PoCoLo

Baking Milestone – My First Chocolate Cake

I always wanted to try baking chocolate cake! Who doesnt? Got a recipe and luckily as I am slowly buying baking goodies, I have most of the required ingredients. I dont have glucose though that is needed for the ganache. I have maple syrup and I used that instead.

 My processor's whisk is broken so I have used a different attachement than the required one. The first try is a mess. My butter is not soft so when I combined it with the sugar it didn't mix well. No fluffy mixture but a sloppy blocky one. I reckon if I will add the warm liduid it will make the butter melt but it didnt mized well. Especially when I added the flour. Its just wont bind! I have to start again and made sure that the butter is really soft. Luckily the second time I got a better cake mixture.
I am use to baking in small versions. I am more into cupcakes than real massive cakes as I feel I have more control of smaller ones. It is easier to cook on my weird oven and I dont have mold. This cake for example needs 2. My budget can only get me 1. So intead of pouring the cake mixture into 2 mold I used one. The problem that I got is that the sides are already cooked and is starting to be crusty. The middle is still soft. When I took it out the side are really hard. I continued to make the cake. Cutting the middle part to add the ganache. I also dont have an offset spatula so I used my painting palette knife to spread the ganache too! It worked well! I copied a nice web design on a magazine. I think I did well.

I actually baked this cake so that I can join a competition. Here is my husband and son enjoying this bake. If you would click on the photo it will lead you to the competition wherein you can vote for their funny faces. I would greatly appreciate it if you will as I really need the mixer prize!

xx

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IELTS

I was studying already slowly going back to school when it suddenly hit me that my passport will expire end of this year. Meaning I need to go to London to renew it. But I was thinking what if instead of renewing it, what if I sort out my citizenship application instead???

To succeed in that I need to take English Language Exam (written and oral).

So now instead of reading my lessons I went back to reading reviewers and I am so thankful that I have time to do so cuz can I just say that I suck in grammar or is it supposed to be at grammar? and I need all the time in the world to review and relearn grammar rules!

So every afternoon you can find me in my local library if not reading my IELTS books devouring the broadsheets. After which I see words while walking to pick my son up in my school run.

I need all the help that I can get and well no one is in here to help me but myself.

I need to do this. I dont have much goals in life lately as I am not succeeding it them so I am giving up. But I have a feeling this one goal that I can nail and I will work hard to get the passing score!

Though in my head, I still think that it is not fair that I have to get it and the people before me does not.

But life is full of injustice and I have no choice but to follow the rules as it is the law.

My word of the week is IELTS. It is the exam that I need to take.

xx

The Reading Residence
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School

My son will start whole day of shool next week. I will have extra time not only to clean the house and blog some more but also to go back to school. My school. I am a student as well. I cant even remember when I started but I am a student. Open learning student at KLC School of Design. I already submitted my first project and got my feedback and I need to go and start to Project 2.

I am very very excited to go back.  I am so bad in my first submittion. I know I can do better but I want it done and over with and just want to submit and finish. I was busy then and can study on a Saturday and Sunday. And I stay in the library and I feel like I am missing out on my son and my husband doing some trips somewhere.

Now, I am planning everything in my head. I will do Tuesdays and Thursdays as Interior Design day. Wednesdays and Fridays are for ironing and house cleaning. Monday for my son. Saturday and Sunday is our family day.

I am also back into buying a lot of magazines and is starting to buy school supplies again. It is always nice to buy supplies. Papers and pens and more papers. I am also doing some drafting works in the laptop.

I am so excited that I want to start it now but I cant yet. Its all in my head tho. The plans. The scheduling. The finished drawings.

I hope you dont mind if I write about this journey. Interior design is something that a lot of mothers are interested in and I am hope that though this course is a bit technical you are going to have this journey with me.

My word of the week is back to SCHOOL.

The Reading Residence
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