Tag Archives: separation anxiety

Separation Anxiety

When he started pre-school last September, I am the last mother who will leave the place as he wont go in without me. I need to stay a bit for longer to make him at ease in staying there. This goes a bit long. Two weeks me thinks.

He slowly adjusted to preschool life and can now go without being tantrumy. The waiting for the door to open is already a pre-preschool event as he would play with the other kids waiting by the door too. I am so happy on how he is so at ease with everyone. In preschool there is no grouping yet. He do havea best friend already.

Also, before with his Dad. He would cry bucket of tears before he can go to work. 2 set of buckets as his Dad have 2 jobs. Before every going to work it became a ritual for us that he doesnt want his Dad to go to work.

Everything has changed now too with that. He just needs to know if Daddy is going and he will just say 'Bye Daddy' or 'See you later'. No more tears.

All this nonmore crying for Mommy or Daddy made me a bit sad. True he is growing up and this is one of the signs of that but deep inside me I still want him to ache for my presence.

I am having separation anxiety haha!

But as a parent I have to let him go and grow and experience and be with other people. Because it is inevitable.

At this rate that he is growing I am very very vigilant of the time. I have to record everything in my head. I dont want to miss a thing because I know that before I know it, he will go to proper school and we will have less and less and less time together.

beanie
Linking up to:

Binky LinkyPocolo and The Prompt

Potty Training, British Citizenship & all those exams

It was so random. I asked my son if he likes to pee and he did and we brought his thingy out, aimed at the potty then comes out .. PEE!

Its been a struggle for me to start potty training him not because he is not ready but because I am not ready. I really dont know where to start and this is like not only a milestone for him but me as well.

Since last week he is already peeing on the potty. But with a little help from mom and dad with the aiming. =P

I was just waiting for him to get use to the weewee/peepee in the potty till i start with the poo level.

This is while I am so stressed & busy with completing requirements for the British Citizenship application.  I just realize that I need to take an a language exam and this is hard for me cuz mu brain is not use to study mode anymore. True I am a Interior Design student but Architecture/Interior Design is my career in Manila so its more or doing the projects.

I started reading/reviewing (or in the UK revising) on some books to see how much time I need to learn things before I took the exam.  I need a lot of time. Months.

So last Saturday and Sunday I am holed up in the library reading broadsheets & reading a book to help me pass this requirement. While I am at the library, husband, toddler & mother-in-law was in a playarea.. playing, bonding. Sunday is the same too. They went to an event and I am at the library.

Yesterday, Monday I was picking up my son from pre-school with my husband and he didnt run to me but happily hugged his dad while asking for picnic (thats he's snack).

Hurts. Somewhere inside me… heart felt a bit of pain.

And I have to do this every Saturday and Sunday. No mommy but Nain will be there and daddy.

My relationship with my son is the sacrificial lamb? What happens Monday-Friday? Me doign chores so that there will be less of it in weekends so I am not exactly spending time with my son as well.

He is in school now and…

And I miss him.

And I want to like make an appeal to the British Embassy to let me be a mom but who am I kidding =P Who am I to be exempted to these requirements????

After me writing this blog, I need to do chores again and then hit the books and then pick my son up … I am promising that no matter how dirty the house is I will TRY MY BEST to ignore it and try to play with my son & watch his fave show > Time For School.

I will take time and smell his head. I always find solace in smelling my son's head. Like somewhere in there is a prozac factory or something. It pacifies me and I will do that today because I need it.

I will take my exam on mid of March. And I dread the days to come that I have to spent away from him.  Ugh! Separation Anxiety much =(

Sacrifices are needed for me to be British. Hope its worth it tho.
xx

First day of Pre-school

Dear Sebastian,

This is the first time that ill write a post for you to read. Or maybe i did already but mom's brain is just too shabby.

You my little boy Little started school last Tuesday, Sept 3ish me thinks.

And you were good and I left you and you're super happy that I asked myself am I a bad mom and he is so happy to get rid of me???? Its chaotic these nurseries.  Kids running like crazy and this is my excuse for not taking any pictures of you on this milestonic day.  A thing that i'll probably dread my whole life.

I picked you up and give you food and twas like nothing epic happened to you.

The next day was ok too.  You said you are walking and I made a mental note that what it really means is that Ill carry you all the way and you will just walk to pick some fowers on the pavement.  Massive mistake on my part.. on my arm part.

and then.. you bawled your eyes out nd you dont want me to leave you.  Is it okay to admit that I felt relieved.  Whew! That was close.  Mommy intuition kicked in.. he didnt had a nice day? Was he bullied by the other 3 years old? Is he sick? What? What? What?????

When I arrived home just so you know I have gazzilion stuff to do like wash the dishes, shoo the bird on the terrace, clean their poo, shoo them some more and stuff.  I werent able to do them cuz I am thinking of you worried.

I dont know what to do ben.

Its .. your not the only one who is having a separation anxiety and its worse cuz I am not allowed to bawlover to express it.

I set off early to fetch you buying kinder egg surprise to give as a reward to you.  I promised to lessen your chocolate intake but this are those moments that needs some chocolates.

You look normal when you went out… holding a box of smarties.  I felt bad cuz someone  beats me into giving you a rewards. Oh well.

Another day for us.

Daddy bought you a big pack of MnM's and i didn't give you a lot cuz of my promise (not to give you much chocolates).

Day 3.  You woke up really really really late.  Just 2 hours (Less actually) before we needs to go and your super duper sluggish.

I gave you all fruits as its the only easy food to eat when were hurrying up and you kept on sayng No Mommy No School!

Gosh I wonder when I started saying that cuzits too early to be hearing from you.

You are still cooperative.  Climbing that red creaky pram (my arm part has learned their lesson) and while were on our way you kept on saying … No school mommy. Or was it mummy?

I felt bad again cuzI know how one feels when they are being forse to go to school.

But you are 3ish.

You are not yet doing calculus so I would like to think that this is separation anxiety still.

I have to lure you in.  You dont want to go in.  Part of me is again proud that you are standing your ground but baby .. this is life.  And I am no just saying it to you but me as well.  We have to do this.

If I an only just make you stay home forever I will but you hve to learn how to share, you have to learn how to say blue in polish, you have to learn how to tidy up better and you have to learn that from now on you are really going to do these things that you dont want cuz…. you have too.

I miss you already and its still like an hour till your release and im already excited to walk back to get you.

We'll get over this together.

One day you will go there and non chalantly go & Ill worry again if its me being a bad mom/mum.

if its helps…. tomorrow is FRIDAY!!!!! YEy!

Love,
Mommy/Mummy