Tag Archives: ugly

Word of the Week – Unpretty

I think I already said a lot of times that people around me in Manila made sure I know the truth. I am ugly and fat. I would get teased by relatives calling me dark and flat nosed girl. But the most memorable name calling is from someone in college. A classmate friend went to meet a friend who likes her and I went with her. That guy pushed me literally and whispered to me it would have been better if I am not there, Ugly. He said mad of my presence while my friend is paying for items she purchased (we met him in a Hello Kitty Store). I guess he's got the right to say it being a member of a band and being exposed to girls (groupies) that are pretty and he knows what he is saying. Yes I know I am ugly.

My friend doesn't know this of course. Never told anyone.

No one knew (until now).

Since then I distanced myself to them. Making excuses on not going on trips where I will be the 3rd of 5th wheel. My girlfriend thought that I am just this girl who always cancel the last minute. Scared of being told of again and feeling ugly and I don't want to really be with people. If its up to me ill hide my face and my fat bum in a cave and never go out again.

I changed of course. Only when I lost some weight that I came back into being sociable with people. I not only went out again but I also am not scared of my picture being taken.

My confidence went okay when I lost weight and when I can wear those skinny jeans.

I am gauging my self worth on how much I weigh.

Now I am … feeling fat again. And I am hidiing myself at home again. Wearing baggy clothes, puffy coats. Anything to hide my bulging thighs.  And I am not looking at people's eyes. I dont want to see the disgust in their faces. The same disgust that I saw from that guy who pushed me.  And I need to get our of this rut. I gained weight because I have been eating non-stop from depression. I am feeling sad because so many things in my life at the moment that i can't control and I am .. i hate it.


Hopefully this is just a phase. I am doing everything in my power not to feel unpretty again.  I am at night looking at my son's face & am amaze on how he looks good in spite of the fact that I am his mother.  And also try to hold on to the fact that no matter what i look my son loves me, kisses my face and sleeps with his cheek on mine. No matter how I look or feel, I am my son's Mum and he will not stop loving me even if I am not fitting my pants.

I will try to hold on to that and maybe tomorrow I will not feel unpretty anymore.


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Ansakit sakit

My officemates are forwarding each other sleazy emails. Since im the newbie not a lot of officemates know my email and I am spared of the pron forwarding he he…

But theres this one email about tattoo and I want to see it since I like tattooes. One officemate said that its not for virgins. One officemte said “forward mo na! yan kang yun chance niy ana makakit aniyan”

Meaning: I am ugly and theres no way that ill see naked bodies in real life because no man would dare go to me and be near me and be intimate with me…


Me: ugli pug.